


darling, we just might make it

by silkbonnet



Series: course correction [4]
Category: Grey's Anatomy, Station 19 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Is real I guess, Love, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25585876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkbonnet/pseuds/silkbonnet
Summary: yes, this is exactly what you think it is.
Relationships: Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Series: course correction [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889953
Comments: 34
Kudos: 266





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> brought to you by our sponsors: love and the song 'lets get married' by mitski, because i cant turn it off!

-

The first time Maya feels it, it takes her by surprise, washes over her like a wave, and it comes and goes so quickly, she's not really sure it's anything at all. 

It's the last day before they head back home, on their first vacation (of many, but she doesn't know that yet, doesn't know how important Carina will become, doesn't know that she's going to fall quick and hard, not yet). Right now it's all new and shiny and they're still a little hesitant and careful, in that sweet spot all new relationships have where they are only showing the best of themselves to each other.

It's just after sunset and they're in their hotel room. Maya is watching Carina lazily from where she's perched on the bed. The bathroom door is cracked open and she can hear the crooning of the Italian band Carina loves, playing softly from her phone.

The room is aglow with soft purples and pinks from the sunset. Everything feels dream-like, hazy and peaceful. In that space between wakefulness and sleep, Maya watches Carina remove her make-up.

Carina doesn't know she's watching, Maya fell asleep almost immediately after they came back from dinner and Maya knows she should probably say something but she's not all the way awake yet. 

Carina is humming along to the music, low and off-key, another thing Maya adds to the quickly growing list in her head of things she's learning about Carina.

The list is probably pages long by now and Maya adds 'cannot hold a beat' right after 'will absolutely eat her weight in mozzarella sticks if given the chance' and 'sleeps like the dead, even on planes, even through mild turbulence'. There are more things she learns as she watches her.

Carina has a mirror face, a cute little pout she does as she wipes off lipstick and blush. She doesn't quite sing either, just mouths the words enthusiastically and it's cute and silly and Maya doesn't mean to, but she chuckles. Carina turns around, smiles at her, and Maya gives her a lazy wave back. 

"You're awake," Carina says, exiting the bathroom.

She jumps on the bed and kisses Maya softly. It's not much more than a peck but when she pulls away she looks down at Maya, eyes soft and face flushed and Maya thinks, 'oh.' Then, 'oh _no'_.

It's early, like really early and Maya has never, ever, been a relationship person but somehow she's here, all these miles away from home and work and the weather is beautiful and Carina is beautiful so she leans up, kisses her back eagerly and loses herself in the feeling of Carina, soft and solid on top of her.

*

The second time she feels it, it's a few months later.

They're properly together now, they know each others routines and schedules now and friends have been met. Carina sleeps over most days and they visit each other at work and sometimes when Maya is doing nothing at all her mind wanders to Carina and sometimes when she's doing important things her mind wanders to Carina. Maya's still getting used to this whole relationship thing and it's still mostly terrifying (she keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the moment she inevitably fucks it up) but for the most part, she isn't half bad at it.

She's just come off a night shift and on a whim, decided to bring Carina breakfast at work. Her watch tells her that Carina is a few hours into her shift and Maya knows she doesn't tend to eat in the mornings, nothing more than some black coffee, at the most.

The line at the cafe is ridiculously long and Maya almost reconsiders but powers through and it's so worth it for the way Carina's face lights up when Maya shows up in her office. She smiles, wide and gorgeous and Maya's heart does a funny little dance and beats wildly in her chest. Her brain decides to get involved too, and she thinks 'there she is,' and something clicks into place, soft and calm and just _right_.

Maya blames it on lack of sleep. She's been awake for almost 24 hours, she's overtired and her emotions are heightened, and well, Carina looks especially pretty today, and when she thanks Maya with a kiss to her cheek, her heart flutters. Lack of sleep. 

That's all it is.

*

The third time Maya feels it she can't blame vacation excitement or sleep deprivation or anything else except for what she knows it is.

She feels it, sharp and thundering and _painful_ , in her chest. She's driving back from the station, after making what is maybe the biggest mistake of her life. Her mind is running wild with thoughts of regret and anger but one specific thought won't stop haunting her.

_I love her, I love her and I don't want to ruin her_

is playing back and forth like her own personal broken record of shame and _of course_ , when when her life is finally going well and her relationship was going somewhere, she up and fucks it over.

She could lie to herself, say she wasn't thinking, but that's the opposite of her problem. She was thinking too much, of her parents, her childhood and Carina wouldn't let it go and all her usual vices weren't working so when Jack showed up... she needed a distraction, and it worked but in the worst way.

She takes the long way home.

Drives around the city aimlessly until she's almost out of gas and it's supposed to clear her head but she just feels small and sick and really, really, broken.

It's even worse when she gets home and sees the lights on. Carina is there and waiting, and Maya feels guilty, unbearably so, so she reaches past that, leans into anger, old and familiar, because rage she knows, rage she can handle. 

What she can't handle is the soft hurt sound Carina makes after she tells her about her mistake, the sobs she can hear coming from the other side of the door. Maya can't handle it so she doesn't.

She leaves again, rushes past Carina, out of the house and into the street. She runs until her lungs are burning and her feet are raw but it doesn't help, doesn't take away the ache in her chest and when she closes her eyes she sees Carina face, crumpled in on itself and wet with tears and knowing that she did that, it's more painful than anything physical.

Carina isn't there when she comes back and Maya isn't sure if she's relieved or disappointed but she's sure that it's over. They've barely began and it's over, just like that, and it's all her fault.

Maya loves Carina, she's in _love_ with Carina but she never told her and now she will never get the chance to.

She's tries to embrace the pain and move on but it turns out when you're in love, it means something and moving on is really fucking difficult, actually.

Work doesn't help and partying with friends doesn't help and she hates that it takes her father-- the whole reason she's in this mess to wake her up.

She's awake and she can see everything so clearly and she's ashamed but she's still in love. So she listens, listens to Jack of all people and apologizes and Carina, wonderful, caring Carina who actually forgives her, tells her she loves her too and everything is right again.

Only it's not.

The following months are some of the hardest months of her life.

Carina tells her she loves her but Maya quickly finds out that love is big and all encompassing but it is not enough, not without loyalty and trust and because of her, that well has dried up. 

She has to work at it, start from the beginning and it's hard, really hard trying to get them to be _them_ again. Half the time Carina looks at her like she doesn't know who she is and the other times she won't look at her at all. But Maya has decided she wants this and she told Carina she would prove it it her and so she does.

There are fights because they are both hard headed and this is new ground for both of them. Maya has never done this before, the trying thing and sometimes she gets the urge to just pack up and run but shuts down those thoughts, thinks constructively and not impulsively (she's in therapy now, and surprise, it's actually really helpful) and doesn't leave. She makes it work, because she wants to be with Carina.

They make it and it's hard and the first time Carina tells her she loves it's almost three months later. She says it freely, and there's nothing behind it, no exhaustion or masked bitterness, just love.

Carina brings her lunch at work, something she's started doing again when she has the time and Maya treasures the time together, loves the conversation and closeness they squeeze out in the short time before she's called back to work.

But this day is different.

They lost a family to a house fire and every single call as gone wrong and it's no one's fault, some days are just like that but Maya is captain so it feels like her fault. Maya is angry, aimless anger, not really at any one in particular, but she's short with Carina when she arrives. Usually this would lead into a petty argument but someone must have told Carina about the losses because she just pulls Maya to her and Maya lets herself cry.

There were kids and it's always hard when there are kids. Carina strokes her back, guides her to the floor in the corner of her office and the blinds aren't drawn so anyone can just look in and see her in shambles but she doesn't care because Carina is here and her heart settles, and she thinks, 'there she is,' like all those months before.

"I'm so sorry, bella," Carina says, whispers it into her hair and Maya's heart leaps because Carina hasn't called her that in months and she hadn't even realized how much she missed it. Something clicks in that moment, and Maya knows that they're going to be okay.

All this and more, is what is running through Maya's mind on a Friday evening in August.

She's helping Vic move, along with Jack and Andy, because they were the only ones with days off and she's on kitchen duty but Vic has moved twice the past year, each time getting rid of more things so all Maya really had to unpack was a mismatched box of utensils some dishes and three appliances.

Mostly she's been thinking about Carina, about love and forever and what that looks like for them. She thinks of a wedding, of a ring and she wants it, but then she talks herself out of it and it's a weary cycle.

That's pretty much how she's been spending the last hour, until Andy walks in.

"How's the kitchen situation looking?" Andy asks, leaning on the counter.

Maya means to say 'great, or 'im done' but instead she says, "I think I'm going to propose to Carina."

Andy stops playing with the glasses on the counter, and Jack and Vic happen to walk in right when she says that. Jack drops his box and Vic just stares at her with wide eyes.

Jack's the first to talk.

"Shit dude, no way," he says.

Vic nods, grins. "Yeah, wow!"

Andy still seems a little shocked but she's smiling too. "Oh my god," she says, her voice going up at the end, "oh my god, when?"

"Um," Maya says. Because she didn't actually mean to say it and now it's out and _real_.

Vic walks to her and gives her a side hug, her other hand is holding a screwdriver and she's a little sweaty and dusty but Maya doesn't mind. Andy hugs her other side, smushes them together with a grin so wide it looks like she might split her face.

"I can't breathe," Maya complains, but she's smiling and doesn't try to move away, just lets herself be smushed. 

"So what's the plan?" Jack asks. "Actually never mind, what about the ring, got a picture?"

Andy pulls away, looks at Maya with narrowed eyes. "Did you already go ring shopping?"

"No. Trust me, I haven't gotten that far yet," Maya says.

"Good, because you'll definitely need my help."

Maya raises her eyebrows.

"You will," Andy insists and after a moment Maya just nods because she knows she will.

It's been months and so far all she's done is a lot of googling and now she gets a bunch of targeted ADs: ' _top 10 worst ways to propose (and you won't believe #5)_ ' or popups filled with rings and venues so she'll take all the help she can get.

"I wanna come too," Vic adds, poking her with the back of the screwdriver.

"What about Saturday?" Andy asks, "you're off right?"

"I'm not," Vic says taking out her phone. "I can do two weeks from now on Friday though?"

"Um," Maya says again because they're talking over each other, making plans without her, and isn't she the one getting married here?

Marriage.

It's huge and permanent and she's never been traditional, and before Carina she never really thought about it, she figured it would happen or it wouldn't but she didn't have an opinion one way or another. She and Carina have spoken about it, years ago, along with all the other big, important things like kids and beliefs but everything seemed so far away, back then.

It's been almost three years since then and they've had longer serious conversations, whispered conversations in the dark of their bedroom where both of them are post coitally gentle and vulnerable and it's something they want but there has been no pressure, no real plan.

Only, a few months ago Amelia and Link got married and there was no bouquet throwing but at the end of the night Amelia handed her flowers to Carina, with a sly grin and then everyone kept making jokes about them being next and they weren't serious, but it planted a tiny seed into Maya's mind. A seed that's been steadily growing and for the past two months when she looks at Carina all she thinks is _forever_. She thinks _I want this forever_ and then it bubbles up in her chest and she ends up telling her she loves her and Carina beams, like she almost always does when Maya tells her she loves her. 

It might be just a symbol, the marriage thing, just a piece of paper, and really nothing will change between them because they already live together and they're in love but dammit, she wants that piece of paper.

Maya's been going over it for months, has made a list of pros and cons because she's her, and lists and plans are just part of her process. The pros are 'carina×100' and there are no cons because she starts thinking about being married to Carina and she forgets to fill in the cons. It's a daily struggle.

Saying it out loud, though, actually asking Carina to marry her... that scares the shit out of her.

So.

She hasn't made any plans. Not past googling.

"Guys?" Jack says, and Vic and Andy pause their mile a minute conversation.

"Look at Maya right now," Jack points and they turn to her.

Andy laughs at what must be quite the look of shock on Maya's face.

Maya tries not to let it show but she's feeling it, the looming pressure of it all.

_What if Carina says no, what if she hates the ring, not that there even is a ring, but what if I get one and Carina hates it and she says no and we break up and—_

"Hey!" Vic says, waving her hand in front of Maya's face. "None of that, no freaking out, this is good news. It's _good news_ right, guys?"

She looks at Jack and Andy and they nod, fast and hard like little bobbleheads and they look silly but it calms Maya down some.

"Exactly. You," Vic continues, pointing at Maya, "look like you're about to bolt and there's no way you get to leave after dropping that bomb so. Whiskey or beer?"

"What?" Maya says.

"Both," Andy says, already rifling through the drawers for a can opener.

"Both," Jack agrees.

"I've only got the cheap stuff and this old whiskey I never drink, I was actually going to save it to pay you guys off for helping-"

"You said we were getting lunch and drinks-" Jack interjects.

Vic blinks at him. "The drinks are the lunch. Anyway hush. I think we need to break this out now, and we're pretty much all done setting up so we can take a break. So Maya, whiskey or beer?"

"Both."

"Both it is."

/

"Wait," Jack asks incredulously. "You've been sitting on this for two months? Seriously?"

"I had to be sure," Maya says, a little bit defensive.

"But two months?"

"Makes sense," Andy says, directing a glare at Jack. "It's a big deal, marriage, you don't just go into it lightly."

"Fine," Jack agrees. "So how're you gonna do it?"

Maya swallows her automatic response which is an aggravated, "I don't know, Jack," because she's been thinking, in the hours that they've been talking and a tiny plan has been forming. Nothing solid but pieces are coming together.

"What about an air balloon?" Jack suggests and Maya groans, because... _what_ and also _why_??

"No one actually does that, Jack, only like super rich reality tv stars," Andy says with a roll of her eyes.

"Besides does the whole big gesture seem like their kind of thing?" Vic rolls her eyes. 

"Plus, Carina's afraid of heights," Maya adds, taking a huge gulp of her drink. She's on her third beer, proposal planning is complicated and everyone has a lot of opinions and mostly she's just been nodding along to their suggestions. Andy's already sent her three links to online jewellers and the directions to the brick and mortar jewellery store downtown. She's been talked into going ring shopping on Saturday and again in two weeks if they don't find one so Vic can come too.

It's a lot, but figuring it all out is so much better with her friends beside her and she's glad for them, weird suggestions aside.

"And public proposals?" Andy makes a face, "unnecessary pressure no thanks."   
  
"I would go for a public proposal I think it's romantic."

"Of course you do," Vic and Maya say at the same time and they clink their bottles together, laughing at Jack's frown.

"Okay then, what have you come up with?"

"Roses," Maya says.

"Roses?"

"Roses. Carina loves them and they're all I've got but I think I'm going to include roses."

"That's a good start," Vic says, before Jack can interrupt.

"And I know I'm for sure not doing something public. I think, uh, maybe I take her out, like where we went for our first date and then we come back home and then I ask her to marry me? Oh, god." Maya covers her face with her hands, sets down her drink.

"You've got time. And it's not like she's pressuring you right?" Andy asks, laying flat on the couch and prodding her with a toe.

Maya smacks her foot away. "No, she isn't. I mean we've talked about it and it's something we both want but I just," Maya sighs, "I wish this part was over. I just wanna be married to her already."

Andy and Vic coo at her, a chorus of sarcastic 'aw's' and Maya rolls her eyes, looks away. This love shit has made her so soft, she can't even help herself sometimes. 

"Y'know, it's not even about the ring. In the end, it's about what you say." Jack picks up her bottle, steals a sip. "Thought about that yet?"

Maya groans because other than, 'iloveyoucarinapleasemarryme' she really hasn't.

"Not really. I keep imagining this scenario where I'm on one knee and I've asked and she said no and then I start to feel kinda sick."

The last part comes out fast and flat, because she didn't really mean to say it but it's true.

Maya's been with Carina for almost three years and it's the most serious relationship she's ever had. Carina knows her better than anyone else, really knows her, all her darkness and roughness and she still picked her. Picks her everyday.

They haven't fought in almost a year, nothing real, anyway. Their last real argument was when they moved in together a year and a half ago.

They had moved in the hottest day of the year and Maya was annoyed at having to use movers because she wanted just do it by herself and didn't want strangers touching her stuff.

Carina had insisted, because she wanted it done professionally but those same movers broke almost all of her mirrors and and lost a side table and in the end Maya had called her friends to help anyway. She might have been a bit smug about it and by the time Andy and the crew showed up they weren't speaking, having snapped at each other until they were both too annoyed to keep going. It was tense and uncomfortable for everyone else, but they got situated and everyone left.

The silence was suffocating, Maya remembers thinking, so she left too. Just for a quick walk around the block, to cool off. 

She got to the end of the street and realized that she was being stubborn like usual, and all the fighting was latent fear from them moving in together, taking that next step. And once she came to that conclusion she wanted to talk about it but the only person she wanted to talk to was back home. In _their_ home waiting for her so she went back. Carina was sitting on the porch, and she stood up when Maya trudged up the walkway, hugged her wordlessly.

Maya had pulled back, stumbled over an apology and they had talked about it, her fear and all the other little things she had been holding in. They had stayed outside until the mosquitoes gnawing on their limbs became too much to ignore. 

"Please don't do that again," Carina had said when they were inside. She was standing with her back to the door, face drawn and tired, one hand still holding Maya's.

"Please don't leave like that without saying anything I know you came back but _—_ " Carina said

Maya had just nodded, suddenly feeling a lump in her throat because she could hear uncertainty in Carina's voice and she hated it, hated that she was the reason.

"I won't," Maya said, and Carina nodded, said "okay," with a tiny sigh.

Maya was the one to pull her close this time, walked her to the couch and sat down next to her, took Carina's hands and made sure she was looking at her because she needed Carina to hear her, to know that she meant what she was going to say next.  
  
"I will always come back to you," Maya had promised then, because it was the truth, and Maya knew it was time to stop fighting it, once and for all. Knew that for the rest of her life she was going to always be running back to Carina.

They had gone to bed in their new house, together, Carina sliding cold feet onto Maya's thighs, and Maya had fallen asleep knowing that she was home.

She doesn't know how to say all that, and she thinks that saying 'please marry me because you feel like home' is only slightly better than 'marry me i love you". Neither is bad, she just thinks of all they've been through, and thinks she should say something... more.

But she doesn't know what yet and all her scenarios go back to Carina saying no and leaving.

Jack says, with unexpected gentleness, "why would she say no, Maya?"

"Yeah, what did you mean by that?" Vic says.

Maya doesn't answer, focuses on peeling the label off her now warm beer instead.

Andy sits up so they're side by side and nudges her with her shoulder, once, twice, then starts poking her in earnest when she she doesn't answer.

"Maya. Why wouldn't Carina want to marry you?" 

Maya shrugs.

"Because I'm the one doing the asking and I'm me, and difficult, I know that, everyone knows that, _Carina_ knows that and when I ask she's going to wake-up and realize that forever with me is too much and she's going to say no."

No one says anything and it's silent, the hum of the air conditioner the only noise for a moment.

Then, "that's really dumb, I'm sorry Maya but it just is," Jack says with a shake of his head.

"Jack what _—_ " Andy starts, confused, but he waves her off.

"Look, Maya, maybe you still don't see it but the rest of us? We see how happy you make Carina. Right?" Jack turns to Vic and Andy and they nod.

"So happy," Vic says.

"It's almost annoying how cute you two are, honestly," Andy jokes, and it lightens up the room but Jack's not done.

"The way she looks at you? Just last week at Montgomery's game night you two were so lost in each other it was like no one else was even in the room. And yeah, maybe you've made some mistakes," Jack says. He doesn't need to elaborate, everyone in the room knows, "but you've worked on yourself, like actually done the work and you two are so strong now. I don't think I've ever seen you so light and happy, and I just think if you let her get away that would be stupid."

"He's right," Vic interrupts, suddenly nodding along with Jack.

"Of course I am. So grow a pair and ask her already because you love each other and we're all jealous.”

Maya just stares at him then opens her mouth to speak but closes it again without saying anything because, wow.

She's known she's grown since she and Carina got together, her friends tease her all the time about how sappy she is now, Travis even called her Captain lovergirl (once, Travis called her that once, it didn't go over well he was on bathrooms for a month) but sometimes she still thinks it's all in her head that Carina is just biding her time before she can leave. But she's working on it, believing people when they say they love her. But Jack saying it so plainly, it makes her want to hug him and punch him all at once.

"You're jealous?" is what Maya goes with because the rest of what he said is really nice and wonderful and if she thinks about it she might do something dumb and unnecessary like tear up and she isn't going to cry today.

"That's what you choose to focus on?" Jack says, laughing. "But yeah, of course. I would be lucky if I found someone and had even half of what you two have."

"We all would," Vic says, drawing her knees up to her chest. "You don't even see it but you have real life love, and yeah you two are gross but if someone looked at me like that?" Vic whistles.

"My dad would have planned my wedding like, yesterday," Andy comments.

"You're already married," Maya says and Andy rolls her eyes. 

"You know what I mean. Just accept it Maya, she loves you, people in space can see it okay? She's yours." 

"Oh," is all Maya says.

"Yeah, oh," Jack says. He passes her a cup of water, he must have gotten up while Vic was talking, Maya didn't even notice. She takes a long sip before speaking again.

The overwhelming consensus of 'she's in love with you, dumbass' enables Maya to say what's really been on her mind.

"I have never wanted to be married to anybody before and part of me hates that I'm in this deep. I'm just a little terrified of screwing up the marriage part."

"We know," Andy says, softly. She lays her head on Maya's shoulder, pats her knee.

"It's scary, and as the official married person here I can say that fear goes away, because you realize that the other person is in just as deep as you are and then you both just keep working at." 

"What she said." Vic says, patting her other knee with a smirk.

Maya laughs, and it's a bit hysterical but she's about to propose to her girlfriend, she's really going to do it and that's crazy so she's allowed to be a little bit hysterical.

"Plus, you guys totally act married anyway so not a huge leap," Jack jokes.

Maya tosses a throw pillow at his face but Jack catches it and holds it up. "You know I'm right."

"I know," Maya admits. She takes a deep breath, leans back into the couch, stares at the ceiling. 

"I'm going to propose to Carina."

"Yeah you are!" Vic yelps, lifting her drink up.

Andy and Jack whoop and yell too and Maya laughs, because they're all drunk and way too excitable but it's nice, that they're so happy for her. 

"I'm starving, let's order something. My treat," Maya suggests once they've stopped with the noise and everyone starts with suggestions. It's loud and they are probably going to end up ordering from four different places.

She watches her friends sort that out, feels warm and loved in this little family she has found for herself' she definitely wouldn't be able to get through this without them. It's good, she thinks, to have her people, and to not have to walk alone in the dark. 


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is possibly the sweetest thing i've ever written. also i fell down an etsy ring hole. there are rings on there for 5000$?? i converted to USD and that's still. wow.

-

The giant pear cut diamond ring Maya had initially set out to buy looks, in person, gaudy and overdone. It's pretty and expensive but not quite what she has in mind for Carina. The ring Maya has in mind, she can't really describe but she'll know it when she sees it. Something tasteful and beautiful but functional, too.

They've been in the small ring shop for almost an hour, Andy, Vic and her, shuffling through rings. 

This is the second shop she's been to. She came with Andy to a different store a few weeks ago but they were called in, skyscraper fire _—_ all hands on deck, before they could really do anything.

Today they're all off and they've gone through almost the entire store but it's fruitless. 

"Okay, what about this one?" Andy asks, nudging her towards a huge princess cut ring.

"...really, Andy? This looks like costume jewellery."

Vic looks over Maya's shoulder. "Yeah that's pretty hideous." 

"Lower your voices. She'll kick us out," Andy says, glancing hastily around the store. 

Alice, the elderly owner, is helping a couple across the store and not paying them any attention. She had been friendly and helpful at first but all of Maya's 'no's' wore on her spirit and she's been giving them space for a while.

"Maybe we should take a break," Vic says.

"I saw a Jamaican place up the street. We could eat and then come back? Or go to another store?" Andy directs this at Maya.

Maya wants to keep going, be done with this already, but they left early and didn't eat breakfast and she's already feeling over it so, food it is.

"Yeah, okay."

/

Maya picks at her patty, not feeling hungry.

"You're going to find a ring, stop frowning," Andy says, not looking up from her food

"You could toss a ring pop at Carina and say 'let's do it' and she would still say yes." Vic says around a mouthful of rice. "Probably."

Maya grins at that image. "Am I overthinking this?"

"Yes," Vic says, instantly.

"A little," Andy hands Maya a dumpling. 

"I know there's a lot you want to do and say but-"

"That's what the vows are for. And the ring, I mean there're a million rings out there you're going to find one."

"I know I just-"

"Want everything to be perfect. It will be, so just relax already."

"Wow, thanks Vic. Really, you should give speeches."

Andy laughs into her meal and Vic grins up at her.

"Glad I could help." Vic sets her fork down. "But all this stress is why is I've decided to elope when it's my time." 

"Elope?"

"Yep. Vegas. Go big right?"

Maya squints. "Think I'd rather go home on that one."

"You're not invited to my Vegas wedding." Vic says and Maya rolls her eyes.

"Gotta say though, Maya in-love-and-in 3D? Very fun to watch."

"Shut up," Maya says, laughing. 

"You're all, mushy, well mushy for you-"

"-you should've heard your voice when she called you just now," Andy adds, chuckling.

"I'm going," Maya stands up. She ignores Vic and Andy's cackles, looks towards the exit instead.

"I drove," Vic reminds her and Maya sits back down.

"I... am staying," Maya folds her arms. "But I hate you both."

*

Maya knocks on Andrew's door twice.

He answers in pajamas, rubbing his eyes. "Hey. Oh, you're really here."

"You said to come at 9?" Maya fishes for her phone to check the texts again, but Andrew nods.

"No I did, I just thought you'd show up later. It's so early." He opens the door fully. "Come in."

"What's wrong?" Andrew says around a cup of coffee, once they've both settled on the couch with drinks.

"Nothing's wrong," Maya says. She sets her mug down.

"Oh. I thought, I don't know what, but you texted _'could we talk'_ so I thought something bad." Andrew looks at her expectantly. "So what's up?"

"Right." Maya fiddles with the handle of her cup, "Um, I'm going to ask your sister to marry me?"

It comes out like a question, Maya still not used to saying it.

Andrew sputters on the sip of coffee he's just taken. "Damn," he coughs, but holds up a thumbs up.

"I just thought you'd want to know. Because you're my potential brother-in-law and all."

"Definite," Andrew corrects with a smile. "Definite brother-in-law, you two are the most married, unmarried people I know."

"Everyone keeps saying that," Maya says with a small smile.

"This is awesome and not that you need it, but you totally have my blessing. I never thought either of us would be getting married but if I have to have a sister-in-law I'm glad it's you."

His voice is sincere and Maya thinks back to how weary he was of her, in the beginning. Of the woman who had captured and broken his sister's heart, in quick order. He eventually came around and they became fast friends, over the years.

"When's it all going down?" Andrew asks.

"Soon." Maya says, even though she has no real plan. She figures putting that energy out there must be good. Or something.

"That's..." he trails off, looks like he's lost in thought.

"Andrew?"

"Wait here!" He jumps up and runs to his room across the hall, leaves Maya staring after him.

He's back in a few minutes, holding a small box that he tosses into her hands. 

"What..?" Maya looks down into her hands and sees that it's a ring box. Opening it, she's met with a gorgeous emerald ring. She holds it delicately in the centre of her palm, smooth and gold. 

"It was my grandmother's," Andrew says and Maya looks up from the ring back to him.

"She gave it to me on my last visit to Italy before she died. All her other jewellery went to Carina and I guess she was still pretty traditional because I got the ring. For _"tua moglie,"_ my wife, she always said. But I'm not getting married anytime soon and it really should have gone to Carina so, I think you should have it.

Maya looks up from the ring to him and then back again because this, this ring is exactly what she has been looking for. In less than 20 minutes he's solved her main issue.

"You probably have a ring, but I just thought... in case you didn't." Andrew rushes to add.

"I don't, not even close. And this is beautiful."

Faintly, Maya recalls Carina telling her that her parents never got officially married and that her grandmother's ring was never passed down. They were close, Carina and her grandmother Livia, she helped raise her and Maya only spoke to her a few times over video calls but she knows all about her, through the stories Carina has told her.

In all the excitement she forgot but it makes sense and it's perfect, actually.

The ring has history, and is from one of the people Carina loves the most. It's also gorgeous, sparkling and understated, the emerald stands out just enough. With the specific cut it's vintage, but not dated and Maya can already picture it on Carina's finger. 

"Are you sure though? It's really great but I wouldn't want to take it if you think one day-"

"No please, take it. Trust me it would mean so much more to Carina and I know if my grandmother was here she would understand." 

Maya looks at the ring one last time before placing it back in the box. "Thank you, Andrew. It's perfect."

Andrew nods then smirks, "be sure to tell my sister it was all my idea. I think this counts as a wedding present too. Technically."

Maya rolls her eyes and grins. "It doesn't, actually. Oh and it's supposed to be a surprise so keep it to yourself."

"Got it," Andrew holds up his hands. He's notoriously bad at keeping secrets but Maya gives him a look and he laughs but mimes locking his mouth.

"I won't say a word, I swear."

*

Maya's mother calls her before shift on Friday afternoon and it reminds her that she hasn't told her and so after work she visits her.

Her mother's house is small, with a yellow door, yellow mailbox and garden gnomes on the porch. It's very different from the house Maya grew up in but despite the colorfully sentimental decor, Maya likes it better. No murky memories hiding in every corner.

Her mother pulls her into a hug when she opens the door.

"Maya! You just missed your brother," she says, tucking a hair behind Maya's ear.

"It's okay Mom, I just came to see how you were doing."

"I'm good, here come in. I just put a shepherd's pie in the oven and I've got a pack of those oatmeal cookies you like."

Her mother heads off to the kitchen and Maya smiles because she's always done that, plying her and her brother with food no how old they've gotten.

"Here, honey," Katherine says patting Maya's shoulder., She drops a plate of cookies and glass of orange juice in front of her. 

"Thanks mom, but I'm just quickly stopping by. How are you?"

"I'm fine, getting ready for the school year," she pushes the plate closer to Maya until she takes a cookie. "Maybe you could have one of your lieutenants come in and give a little fire safety demonstration?"

Katherine works as a secretary at the local Montessori, finally using her administrative diploma after years of being housebound, thanks to Maya's father. She loves the job and Maya has heard countless tales about her 'kids at the school.' She's happy her mother has found something she loves, that something has breathed life into her again.

"Sure, mom. Just give me the details and I'll sort it out."

Katherine nods then gives Maya a considering look. "Is something going on?"

Maya shakes her head, takes another cookie.

She was always closer to her father, with all the time they spent on the road together it was only natural. Mason had her mother and she had her father. She thought that was how they both preferred it but with the resurgence of their relationship Maya realized that along with her denial she also pushed her mother away. A lot. As a child her mind couldn't comprehend what was happening in her home and while she vied for her father's approval, she balked at any and all of her mother's tries at connection. They're fine now, there have been hard and painful conversations on both sides but they have an understanding now. All in all, their relationship as healthy as it is, is still quite new.

"Maya?" her mother says, worriedly.

"I'm going to ask Carina to marry me," Maya says and her mother immediately pulls her into a hug.

She can't see her face because she's holding her tightly against her but Maya can tell by the way she's sniffing that she's trying not to cry. 

"That's wonderful," Katherine says.

Her mother has always loved Carina. Right from that first meeting all those years ago, she was charmed, first asking Maya how that nice Carina was and later, when Carina would be coming over for dinner. They talk on the phone sometimes, Maya hears them and she knows her mother still sends Carina pictures of her as a kid, because Carina immediately sends them to Maya with silly commentary. It's good, to have the two women she holds close to her heart respect and love each other too.

The timer goes off and her mom gets up. "That's the shepherd's pie. I'll be right back."

Maya looks around the room as she's gone. There are pictures of her family, all from her mothers side but mostly it's her and Mason. Old pictures of them as chubby toddlers in matching onesies and others, spread out as they get older. There's even one of her and Carina on the wall across from the couch. Their smiles are loose and wide, and they're looking at the camera, wearing complimenting ugly sweaters. It must be from last Christmas, the station party.

"I love that picture," Katherine says as she returns and Maya sits back down.

"It's cute," Maya agrees.

"So, when is the big day?" her mother clasps her hands together with a grin and for some reason Maya falters.

"End of next week. But that's not... I'm all set on that. It's the marriage part. I," Maya searches for the words.

From the side of her eye Maya can see a slight frown on her mother's face, the ridge on her right eyebrow the same one she gets.

"I don't know what it looks like, a good marriage, and I know you're not with dad anymore and maybe you don't want to talk about it but," Maya shrugs, not really knowing where she's going with this but her mother doesn't look upset. She looks like she understands.

"Maya," she says, and Maya finally meets her eyes. "Your father and I were so, so, different. We should've never gotten together and I will never forgive myself for bringing you kids up in that environment but sweetie, please don't let the fear of becoming like us that stop you. You and Carina, that respect you two have for each other? We were never like that, even before we got married."

Her parents got married young. Her mother was barely out of her teens and she was only 21 when she had Maya. She doesn't remember too much from early childhood but she remembers fighting and yelling and silence, lots of cold silence.

Katherine puts a hand on her cheek. "If this is what you want to do and if she is who you want then you have to try. Please don't let my mistakes scare you off." Her mother wipes at her face, "Maya you have so much love to give and I am so proud of you."

"You are?"

"Honey, of course I am. I should say it more but I'm not talking about only right now. I mean all of it, you built this wonderful life for yourself despite everything in your way."

"Mom..."

"You are so strong, stronger than I ever was. You and your brother," Katherine gives her a watery smile, "you turned out so much better than I could have imagined and if anything came out of being with him it was that he gave me you two."

Maya doesn't know what to say, so she just takes her mother's hand.

They don't talk about the past too much. They did, at first but they have all moved on and revisiting that part of their lives has no use. They're all doing so much better. Her brother is clean, has been for years, finally pursuing his Visual Arts degree like he had wanted to all those years ago. 

In some ways Maya's life is exactly the same but also unimaginably different from where she thought she would be but she's exactly where she wants to be.

"You," her mother goes on, "are not me or your father. You are the best of us. Okay?"

Maya nods, meets Katherine's eyes which are boring into her's with an intensity she rarely sees from her mother.

"Okay," she says, with a tiny smile.

"Good. Now, no more of that," her mother releases her hand, wipes away at the last of her tears and smiles. "Do you have a ring?"

"I do," Maya grabs her phone and pulls up a picture.

"Maya, this is beautiful."

"It was her grandmother's."

Katherine squeezes her hand, "I'm sure she'll love it. And please call me and tell me how it goes. Actually, I'm sure Carina will call me. I would rather hear it from her side.

Maya gives her a sideways look with a confused smile.

"Why?"

"I'm sorry honey, but Carina is a much more descriptive story teller. You would just text me 'it's done,' and that would be the end."

"Fine," Maya rolls her eyes fondly as her mother gives her another hug and stands up.

"I'm going to pack some of the shepherd's pie for you before I forget."

Maya watches her go, feels glad she came over, all the little pieces of doubt finally gone.

"Hey Mom?"

Her mother looks up with a smile, "yes honey?"

"Thank you."

"Of course," she comes back to press a kiss on top of Maya's head.

"Always."

*

"Babe, you home?"

"In here," Carina calls from the living room.

Maya enters the room just as a balding man shoots a shorter, balding man in the face, on the TV. "What are you watching?"

"Sopranos. Amelia claims it is a cornerstone of Italian-American culture."

"It is," a tinny voice calls from the computer on the centre table. "Hey Maya!"

"Hi, Amelia."

Maya ducks down to kiss Carina from where she's perched on the couch.

"Work was good, no injuries?"

"No, no injuries, I'm fine."

Carina gives her a once over, nodding when she's satisfied and turns back to the screen. 

"Do you like the show?" Maya calls, heading to the kitchen and grabbing water from the fridge.

"I'm not sure. We're still on season 1. There are so many angry men and I can't really understand what they're saying."

"Give it a few episodes. You'll love it, I swear," Amelia insists and Maya walks back into the room, grins down at her on the screen.

"Next time you have to come here and we'll watch it, I need you to translate." Carina says.

Amelia laughs. "Speaking of, you're still free to come over for babysitting on Saturday, right?"

"No!" Maya blurts, getting matching looks of confusion from both women.

Saturday is the day, she's decided. They're both off, and barring any emergencies it should be perfect.

"I mean. Uh, Saturday is date night." Maya hasn't cleared it with Carina yet but she glances up at her then Carina nods along, and apologizes to Amelia.

"No problem, I'll just pawn him off on Meredith."

There's a sound of something crashing in the background and Amelia leans back, going out of view. They can hear her saying, loudly, "no buddy, the wall is not a canvas!"

Amelia comes back. "I have to go wrangle a sharpie out of my child's hands so I'll leave you two to it," she says, "goodnight."

"Date night?" Carina asks, turning to Maya once she's logged off FaceTime.

"Yeah, I hardly saw you this week and we haven't had one of those in a while. I was thinking maybe we go somewhere on Saturday? Some place ridiculously expensive with too small portions."

Carina grins, nods. "That sounds perfect."

She tries to pull Maya down on the couch with her but Maya holds strong.

"I'm all gross from work, Carina, I'll mess up the couch."

"Shower?" Carina offers and Maya nods.

"Yes, please."

*

"What? Should I change or..." Maya asks.

Andy and Vic are laying on the bed staring at her, actually, Vic is bordering on leering.

"Definitely don't change you look amazing." Andy says, sitting up.

"If I wasn't tragically heterosexual," Vic begins and Maya huffs out a laugh. 

"I'm so serious. If she doesn't marry you, I will."

"She will though." Andy says. "Can I see the ring again?"

Maya digs it out from her left pocket and hands it over.

Her hair is down and straight, because she almost never wears it that way but she knows Carina likes it. Her top is a deep purple, opened on the top two buttons and if Vic's reaction was any indication, doing excellent things to her cleavage. 

Andy and Vic came over to help her set up, but they finished about a half hour ago and they decided to stay and watch her get ready.

"This really is such a beautiful ring," Andy says dreamily, frowning as Vic grabs it from her.

"You already have one," she reminds her, placing it back in the box and handing it back to Maya.

Maya taps at her phone, there's a text from her brother a, ' _did you do it'_ in all caps. She sends back, ' _not yet, ill let know when'_ and checks the time. Carina was called in for an emergency delivery but she finished and got ready at work, as to not be late to the 'restaurant'. She should be arriving in about 20 minutes.

She still thinks they're just having a fancy date at a really nice restaurant.

Maya heads down and the ladies follow, all looking on at the scene in front of them. She'd thought about going out but in the end she just wanted to be comfortable and their home is where she feels the most comfortable.

It was Carina who found the listing, Maya was good with a living room and a bedroom but she is so glad Carina talked her into this house with it's dining room. Said dining room is covered in roses, from top to bottom and the table is laid out, dinner for two with candles Vic provided from... somewhere.

Maya actually cooked for once, and only forgot to turn on the oven once. Everything is laid out and perfect. It's no Paris, but she thinks she did good.

"That is a lot more roses than I remember." Andy says, touching a petal.

"Might have gone overboard with that," Maya says, the florist had called back to double check her order, it's that many.

Vic shakes her head. "No such thing. Looks like some forest shit and I should know because I'm the one who got those ones on the ceiling to stay."

She was. They have both been there for her, Vic and Andy these last few weeks. 

"Jack texted. He says to tell you not to wimp out," Vic reads from her phone.

"Tell him I say to fuck off." Maya says, mildly.

"I will say that you said, 'thanks'." Vic smirks. "I'll even add a smiley face."

"Guys, she'll be here in 10 minutes, we should go."

"Okay," Vic turns to Maya, puts her hands on her shoulders.

"You got this, the place looks great you look hot, the food won't kill her."

Andy leans on Vic's shoulder. "God, since when did we become such adults?"

'I don't know but you're sure you don't want me to stay?" Vic asks, tapping Maya's shoulders. "I'm a really great photographer, seriously I could get all the angles."

Maya laughs. "I have this, but thanks."

They leave, not without one last, "call me after?" from Andy.

It's just Maya and she looks around flicking the light off to see how it would look if she was seeing it for the first time. In the darkness tiny little lights suddenly glow, placed strategically in and around the roses. It actually looks good, not too much, just subtle and romantic. Vic and Andy must have added it when she was getting ready.

The front door creeks and she hears the click of the door opening.  
  
"Maya?"

Maya gives everything one last look then turns back into the front hall, suddenly nervous.

_Carina._

She always looks beautiful but right now she is gorgeous. Her dress is blood red and strapless, ending right below her knee and hugging every curve. Maya has seen it before but very briefly. It was off in about a minute, laying somewhere on the bedroom floor. 

"Hi," Maya says, walking to her. She slides her hands around her neck, leans up for a kiss and Carina complies, presses a kiss onto her lips, hands at her waist.

"Why is it so dark in here?" Carina's eyes keep going from her chest to her face with great difficulty.

"Come here," is Maya's answer and Carina looks confused but she takes Maya's hand, follows her into the dining room.

They stop just at the entrance and Carina lets out a soft, "oh."

It really does look nice, and Maya mentally thanks her friends again.

"What's going on? I though we were going out?" Carina says softly, taking in the scene before her.

Maya takes a rose from one of the vases on a shelf and hands it to Carina, smiles at the way her eyes soften. She takes it, still holding Maya's hand and looks back at her.

"Here, sit."

Carina sits in the seat Maya pulls out for her, no longer looking confused, with a growing smile on her face.

"You cooked?"

"Yes, but that's later."

Maya takes a deep breath, kneels, and something like understanding shines in Carina's eyes. She looks down at Maya with a stunned expression, glances around the room then back down at Maya again.

"Carina," Maya begins,"I have been trying to find the words for weeks now because I'm a little bit of a perfectionist."

Carina smiles at that, reaches for her hand.

"Trying to tell you exactly how I feel, well, someone really smart reminded me that that's for the vows. But I'm going to try, a little."

Something changes in Carina's expression and she breathes out softly, looks at Maya with so much love that she almost forgets to keep going.

"I love you. And loving you, being loved by you is something I didn't even know I needed but I don't ever want to be without it, without you, and," Maya pulls out the ring from her pocket, opens it.

Carina lets out a tiny gasp, looks down at the ring and then back at Maya.

"Carina DeLuca, will you marry me?" Maya says, finally.

Carina looks down at the ring for a long moment and Maya starts thinking that maybe she doesn't like it but when she looks up her eyes are wet with tears and she's _beaming_ , nodding fast and hard.

"Is that a yes?"

Carina leans down, surges her body towards Maya's and catches her lips in a kiss. "Yes," she says, breathlessly against her lips. "Yes, yes, _yes_."

She kisses Maya again and they're both smiling too hard for it to be any good but it doesn't matter.

_Yes._

Carina said yes and everyone has been telling Maya she would but there is nothing like _hearing_ it.

She gets lost in the feeling of Carina's mouth on hers, almost forgets about the ring

"Wait, wait," Maya leans back. "I still have to give you the ring!"

Carina holds out her hand, and when Maya slides it on she blinks rapidly, her tell that she's trying not to cry.

"How _..._ this is my grandmother's ring, where did you _—_ "

"Your brother."

"Of course. I can't believe Andrea knew. He didn't even give me a hint."

"That's because I swore him to secrecy under threat of certain death."

Carina laughs, then looks at the ring again, eyes going soft as she takes it in. 

"We're getting married," Carina whispers, something like awe in her voice and Maya just kisses her, a proper kiss until the ache in her knees remind her that she's still on the floor. 

She pulls back slowly and Carina looks a little dazed, from the kiss, from the proposal and Maya just grins and kisses her again.

"You need a ring too," Carina says leaning back, resting her hands on Maya's shoulders. 

"Do I?"

"Yes, I want everyone to know." Carina's eyes darken possessively and Maya laughs, stands up.

Carina's hands go to her waist and she pulls her close, meets her gaze.

"I love you, Maya Bishop," she says, unblinking and slow and Maya feels like all the love on the world, it starts and stops right here, with her and Carina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BONUS scene 
> 
> maya walks into work the next day, smug as hell because she has a fiancee now and dean yells STATION WEDDING at the top of his lungs. 
> 
> \---  
> okay. now im done.
> 
> thanks for reading my little self indulgent work!

**Author's Note:**

> ik this is mostly plotless but i suddenly? wanted them married so here we are.
> 
> p2 will be up soon if school doesn't get in the way(online school... literally the worst) i just gotta round out the end and edit.


End file.
